a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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