I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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