Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
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Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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