just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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