oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
