i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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