The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
