i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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