We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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