textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
