My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
