tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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