He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
