there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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