I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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