Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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