i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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