Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
