We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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