it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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