Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
