so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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