Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
