What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
