Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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