while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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