Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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