On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
