I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
