It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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