She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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