Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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