Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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