peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
