Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is the high leading the old right now
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
