i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this will be a night to untag.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
