he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
