I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
