I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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