I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
