but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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