im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
