The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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