i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
