Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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