She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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