Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
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do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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