Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
