My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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