I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
