I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
