OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
