I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
