when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize