i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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