i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.