i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.