Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.