So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
