my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon