Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants

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(808): View more from Hawaii

guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina

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(231): View more from Michigan

Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!

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(219): View more from Indiana

The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(785): View more from Kansas

im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.

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(425): View more from Washington

Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me

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(801): View more from Utah

She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness

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(716): View more from New York

He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that

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