Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I think your dad took our porno
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.