You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
ok first of all what the fuck
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