fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize