And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize