you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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