When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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