I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Bring me that man meat
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
