I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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