I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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