I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
