Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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