So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
