I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
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which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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