it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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