You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
